Last night (Tuesday) I went to another online AA meeting. This one was only six of us , three from the last meeting, plus a couple of others, and then me. There are lots of meetings in my area, mostly at times I can’t currently attend, but enough that I could attend one every several days if I want to… and I do. It’s enjoyable. Like a book club or self-development spa or something.
I can’t believe I’d put it off so long. I think many people put it off that long though, or even longer sometimes. I mean, who *wants* to be part of AA? The name!! What’s up with that, lol. It reminds me of the way I felt about La Leche League. Bad marketing, bad rap, great group. There is such mystery, stigma and misconception about it. Still a bit of a mystery to me (the whole “how do we stay anonymous in the community”) kind of thing, and how do we trust each other and so on.
Those things became clear to me when I met the actual people… basically we’re all in the same boat. And many have relapsed at some point (though the mainstays have been sober for years and years)… there is no judgement. We’re not anonymous to each other, but what happens in AA stays in AA, and we are united in wanting to help each other… any one of us with a desire to embrace sobriety that is. That is the foundation, and the real “higher power,” of AA.
It took me three years from the time I first seriously thought about it, to get to a face-to-face meeting. Was I really alcoholic? And if so, was I alcoholic “enough”? I didn’t think so… and nobody seemed to think I was… but if we even have to ask, I think we probably are — even if the only one who says so is us.
And maybe, come to think of it, it took the possibility of a meeting being online, AND in my trusted local community, for me to able to get to it. For that, I’m actually grateful to the positive sides of Covid (or the world’s reaction to it).
Scary as it was to make the leap, I know this is a good choice I’ve made.
I love talking with and listening to the AA people I’ve “met” so far… they are real. They are honest. They are dealing with their own issues, and not other-blaming. They used to *loooove* drinking, as I and probably any of us with an issue with it do, or did, in some way. And yet they don’t drink anymore.
It’s just really relaxing…
and I get a buzz from it.
Huge thanks for your beautiful comments… I massively, massively appreciate it. It touched me so much, truly… I didn’t really know what to say without writing you each a small novel… some great suggestions there, too, by the way.
p.s. what day am I on? I guess this is four… but it has been easy so far. It’s just one decision, once again, each day, to turn my life over to a “higher” or deeper power… even if all that power is, is a group like this one, or true joy in being toxin-free, or the collective mindset of AA.
Link to AA Big Book, free online: aa.org/pages