13+23 – hopes for improving mindful speech

16:00. I have to leave here in 15 minutes. Let’s see if I can write a 15-minute blog post and not regret it afterwards. Of course! Anything is possible.

I feel a lot of regret about publishing that last post… as well as one before that (now hidden — one in which I thought a fellow blogger had disappeared who hadn’t (some of you have read it, and thanks for your comments) and in which I failed to mention two bloggers who *have* disappeared — having completely deleted their blogs. (If you are reading this, I miss both of you and hope you are well. I know you might just be happier and healthier offline, and I send you all my good wishes and a lot of love.)

But, perhaps nothing fixes a mistake better than moving forward from it, and I have to first of all just say thanks to those of you who commented so kindly. I know it can be hard to know how to support that kind of thing, and you really pulled through (as usual :)).  So thank you!!

I’m happy to say that drinking urges have passed for the moment. As many have said in various ways before, it’s truly about removing the rosé-tinted goggles when viewing our past drinking times. Mostly, I remind myself that I feel happy about the fact that whatever minor mistakes I continue to make in my life are now made in an aware-as-possible state of mind.

I have to work on the positive self-thinking. My parents both beat themselves up continuously over small things and as a kid I learned to imitate them. I also want to work on improving my language cleanliness.

My husband doesn’t swear at all (even though his mom had a trucker’s vocabulary, like me), and neither of my parents swore much.  But when I was a teen I involved myself in a wild crowd and happily picked up every curse word in the book. It was my way of fitting in and actively combatting the good-girl image I’d carried all through my earlier years. I don’t swear much around the kids, but sometimes I like to let loose in my writing.

I’m not sure where I’ll go with that… but if I continue to progress on the five mindfulness trainings, it will mean cleaning up my language, and speaking more carefully and/or positively about situations in general. We’ll see. (Again. ;))

The crazy thing is I have studied this in books, courses, etcetera for more than a quarter-century (!!), but haven’t yet managed to make a consistent practice of it. It’s a choice we have to make… the choice to practice what we believe in.

Thanks for reading, thanks for writing. Sending love.

xoxo nadine/stl

***

14 months + 23-ish days of sustained sobriety. [EDIT 2020-05-21: Ummm, 13 months!!! not 14 months. My gods. I actually never ever think about the number of days unless I come here to write, and then am at loss for a title… lol.]

Finishing 7 minutes late!!!

24 thoughts on “13+23 – hopes for improving mindful speech

  1. Re: Rose colored glasses: I call this the sobriety paradox (you’re welcome to use that phrase but you need to attribute it to me. It’s copyrighted). This is where some of your best, happiest memories revolve around drinking. Why on earth should we quit drinking if we remember that stage so fondly. One thing I know about this is through the prism of time, some of the horribly dangerous things I did while drunk seem completely benign now. I have to continually remind myself that no, I’m lucky to be alive.

    Re: Language: My kids have decided they’re old enough to swear. So far, they’re still testing the boundaries. Part of me says they are mature intelligent humans and should be able to do what they want, and part says c’mon can’t you think up a better adjective than that? The 2nd one is what’s still coming out of my mouth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! Ok, but then you have to attribute rosé-coloured glasses to me. ;)) I love your attitude with the kids, I say the same thing to them as well. (Irony… but like I said, I very rarely swear around them. ;))

      My eldest son never swears, same as his dad. It’s the younger ones that need work… YouTube gaming videos have been a bit of an issue for increasing English swearing (I’m not proud that they sometimes watch those…but they do). As for French swearing, they didn’t even know they were doing it at first. It was part of usual speech on the (primary-school) playground, so that’s how they (and then I) picked it up. We got some pretty bewildered stares when we unwittingly employed new phrases with some elder neighbours! 😀 They were too kind to let on. But we figured it out later. 🙄😆

      I agree about the tendency to “over-benign” past dangerous actions. This is another thing to continually discuss with the kids… risks involved in acting with (sometimes severely) decreased awareness in various potentially dangerous situations — situations which are completely normalized by popular culture. And these days, everything is being recorded and bandied about online. The dangers of which also need talking about with them regularly.

      Thanks so much for the comment, Jeff, very much appreciate your input. :))

      Like

  2. Nadine, thank you for sharing your struggles and successes. It’s refreshing and reminds me of the importance of staying connected to those that help me. I truly enjoy your expression of sobriety.

    There is a great book called “A New Pair of Glasses” by Chuck Chamberlain (Chuck C.). It helped me a lot with “Emotional Sobriety.” It’s hard to find but it is available. Ebay, Amazon… I think I’ve seen the talk on YouTube too. He was a grisly old-timer in AA from the 40’s or 50’s. Great read.

    Be safe my friend.
    Bryan B

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Bryan, can’t say how much this means.

      And I very much appreciate the book recommend. Grisly old-timer from that era sounds great. I loved Bill’s voice in the AA big book (although it wasn’t grisly :)).

      You’re right, though, seems hard to find, just checked and I can get a used paper copy on French Amazon for €32, but no kindle version; will search for the youtube video next. :))

      Have to admit I am struggling with a few emotional issues. So this is much appreciated, thanks again. Stay well, and thanks for being a friend.

      Like

  3. MIA…. Sorry. For the past 2 months I’ve been sitting in front of a computer each and every hour of every day of work. Not my normal job but it’s what’s needed of me right now. It’s the last place I want to be when I’m home. Having a terrible time trying to hold my head together but have managed so far. I think. If I were drinking, there would not be enough wine in all the world to satisfy the fear, anxiety, depression and grief I’ve been feeling. Thanks be to God, I am one month short of 3 yrs. I miss you Nadine. I miss everyone. I am with you all in spirit. Love, love and more love to you! And you stay strong, sister, at 14 + 23!! Great going!! See you next time around.💜,

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much for commenting Elizabeth… so wonderful to read a bit of you again. I’m so sorry to hear that work has been hard… and about the fear, anxiety and grief. It’s challenging times right now. It’s true about booze not satisfying things ultimately. I love your faith in god. I need to focus more on my original feelings, the ones I truly had when I started this blog. Somehow things went sideways. It’s hard to get that original spiritual feeling back but I know it’s possible.
      xoxo much love and see you next time. 💛

      Liked by 1 person

  4. yes yes yes, and it’s a practice (like most Buddhist ones) we must renew every day, every time. The good news being that we get a clean slate at every second 🙂 YAYAYAYAY 🙂 Anyway I will do the same as you and talk in a nicer manner both to myself and about others/the world 🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤ Anne (PS. Having read your previous (nondeleted) posts, I have no idea which is the "regrettable" one or ones …. which goes to show how others don't see the same thing as we do from the inside !:) )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love your positivity dear Anne. Thank you, this is buoying me up. The posts were the two before this one. I made the missing blogs one public again now (and the other one “influence” was already/still public) but removed the original name. I agree we see things skewed about ourselves at times. I love the way you talk on your blog and think you’re about as peace and love as it can get while remaining human and thus interesting. Rock on, lots of love xoxoxo ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. bahahahaha I guess it’s a matter of feeling catching up with behavior ? (Or maybe I am deluded about my behavior ^^ but that’s a nother rabbit hole). Anyway as you know -but I am reiterating, just to ram it in even more forcefully- my point about your posts was that there was NOTHING that caught my eye as non-peace non-love in the ones I read 🙂 xxx Hang in there dear Nadine ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hehehehe. I hear you on that and can say the same in response to your comment about my own blog posts. ;)))) Thank you Anne, so much. It’s nice to get some outer perspective… truly. ❤️

          Liked by 1 person

  5. 14 months is so awesome! And I love where you said you need to remember that whatever minor mistakes you continue to make in my life are now made in an aware-as-possible state of mind. This is what I love and have learned about kicking the daily drinking habit. I am aware and control everything, nothing ( like alcohol ) controls me. More suits my personality too! 😂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Jackie for your wonderful support as always. You are such a light around here, I’m probably wearing out that phrase but it’s true. Hugs and thanks. I still need to work on my own (lack of) control issues. Surrendering control I think is the way to success for me. The AA book was all about that. Hugs and love dear friend and thanks again. xoxox

      Liked by 1 person

  6. No regrets! I read both posts, and you definitely should not stress about them. I, too, tend to beat myself up for little things and feel that horrible twinging of regret at things I have said. But it generally turns out that no one thought anything terrible about me or what I said. This also seems to be improving as I get older. Hugs! And I’m afraid I tend to curse like a sailor at times. My kid has learned the there are “inside the house” words and “outside the house words.” She sometimes asks for permission to try out a swear word. It’s pretty cute, actually.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for this… and thanks for commenting on both of those posts. You’ve a huge support. Thanks for that. That is adorable about your daughter. It sounds like you’re an awesome mother. 🤗💚

      Liked by 1 person

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