14:24. I’m still in the throes of screen addiction: writing and reading, and interacting with awesome folks – like you! – with whom I read and write, namely. I’m still managing with my original goal from last Sunday though, so that’s cool. Day 7 of that. Taking it bit by bit.
The weather was very warm the other day, when we went for our last swim in the lake, possibly for a very long while; now it is cool and misty. I had a beautiful conversation with a patch of self-heal flowers along the roadside during my walk this morning… they turned out to be fantastic listeners. Their purple colour is vibrant against the lush new dark green grass.
The best thing on the country roads around here is I can talk aloud, to trees, cows, flowers, or to myself, as much as I want, just sitting in front of them, no one around to witness my personal brand of odd. Not a single car drove by, during my entire 20-minute outing. That’s normal for here.
I made a fresh vegetable stew for lunch, onions, leeks, turnips, sweet potatoes… and T had made whole grain bread in the bread machine.
The kids are now outside working in the yard with T. Topping the apple trees. ‘Tis the season, and it’s Sunday.
We feel very fortunate to live where we do. We’re in the deep countryside, where cost of living is low (though there are few jobs available); we have a nice view over the green hills, and plenty of space to walk around. Property is cheap here (due to the lack of jobs). I’ve lived in a city before, a few times, and my heart goes out to those who are trapped indoors.
T and I spent years getting to this place… fulfilling a dream we’d long had, of moving to another country, and raising our kids immersed in a second language and culture. In the beginning years of our marriage, still in Canada, there was a point where we were living for free in a warehouse in one of the roughest areas of town, to save all of our money for our first downpayment; things like that. We worked very hard for many years.
T, whose small, single-mother family experienced official homeless status at some points in his childhood, is still working very hard, and currently earns nearly all of the family income. He is working from home since a while ago, due to the coronavirus lockdown.
It’s great having him always here, in some ways, but it also changes the dynamic. It’s going to take some getting used to.
He tends to start doing everything, even my usual tasks, since he likes things done at a certain time, and in a certain way. I used to be much the same, so I get that…. but if I want to contribute anything useful when he is home, I need to fit within his schedule, and not worry about perceived irritation at the way it’s been done. ;)) Which means I need to get my act in gear, if he’s working from home again for the long run (we both used to *only* work from home). I tend to be very flexible in my own schedule, but perhaps a bit of exigence will be a good thing.
I’m trying to be honest with myself about the time I use in Blogland across various networks, and I imagine it doesn’t really show up well from T’s perspective, when it’s laid on the table.
It’s been a huge help to me in my sobriety and creativity, because you’ve been the support I desperately needed, but I do still need to further moderate my intake in various ways. I like to use the reasoning that I am helping others, as they’ve helped me, but always there are new bloggers cropping up and always there are bloggers “leaving” (tree metaphors lol) the scene, I’m not actually “needed” here… much as I feel connected to so many people… so it’s always okay to take a short, or long, break — everyone will find each other, who needs each other and reaches out for one another, in the wonderful wilds of WordPress or elsewhere. New friends are all around us. We just have to keep a lookout and be open to it.
I’m not much one to make announcements anymore, such as “I’m going to be offline for x amount of time” – the reason being that some part of my mind seems to flip the statement around and it make me do the opposite (🙄😄).
Thus, if I ever go offline for awhile and you’re wondering if I’m okay… the answer is likely, “Not too bad, just TSFSM (too sensitive for social media) at the moment!” or, “Yep, better than ever, thanks so much for asking!” or, “Feeling awful, but it’s nothing I can’t handle, and I’ve got stuff to sort out offline, in various non-alcoholically-concerned aspects of my life.” Or perhaps the answer is simply, “I’m contentedly returning to my inner sage, because I’ve found some way to reconnect with quietude, as well as with the folks I see face-to-face around me – including my immediate family.”
So if I ever take time away, whether a few days, a week, two weeks or longer up to infinity, please don’t worry for me.
I read a post a long time ago which implied that bloggers who don’t stay online might be secretly drinking again or whatever… and sure, I guess in some cases that could be true.
But I didn’t lie about my drinking when I did used to drink, and I wouldn’t lie about it now… so if I ever disappear from here, you can rest assured that I’m either getting sloshed (not likely, but hey, I suppose it could happen, after all, the future is never certain) — but in that case, it would be *honestly,* as far as anyone still in contact with me would know… or… da-da-dum….
I’m still practicing sustained sobriety.
The latter is far more likely, at least based on my current intentions.
Although there are of course low points in my moods etc., the benefits of not drinking seem to drip like the clearest and sweetest water, from a slow-dispensing tap of life, the further along I get in this journey.
And if I felt like blogging about either of those statuses, I certainly would come right back online and do that.
So yeah! That’s my take on that.
And now, I’m going to finish this post up with a small meditation, for you, in case you are not able to get outside in nature, now.
(Most of you are likely adept at this already… just skip if it’s not wanted/needed. :))
You don’t have to change your physical position… just become conscious of your breath, and follow it, in your mind, as it enters your nose and mouth, flows down into your lungs, and is carried, in your blood, through all the parts of your body. Bringing oxygen, enlivening every cell… it truly is a miracle. All of us have this miracle to enjoy, regardless of where we are at the moment.
you are on a winding road
going down a shallow, green-gladed valley.
there are lushest new spring grasses, along the way; each blade covered with beads of moisture, from the air of the cloud that fills the low spaces between the hills.
You are breathing the cloud.
The cloud is composed of fresh, clean, early cool spring air.
There is the sweet smell of blossoms
that begin to bud on the trees,
and their aroma mingles with the cloud
that you are walking in.
You can only see for a short space around you,
but you know that nature is all around, welcoming, aware of your presence…
as you are of its presence.
You don’t know exactly how long it will take you to get where you are going, because you can’t see far ahead….
So all you do is enjoy the space you see around you, and keep walking, one step at a time.
feeling grateful that you can feel the ground beneath your feet,
that you can breathe air into your lungs.
Your body is a miracle; nature is on your side… if you give your body what it needs – air, water, healthy foods, and daily movement – your body will take care of you in return.
Your body knows how to heal you….
Let it do its job.
*Help* it do its job…
by giving it the best, freshest, cleanest input
you have access to… right now.
Now is the perfect time
to get clean,
The environment — spiritual, mental and otherwise — will reward you for it.
We are all part of an ecosystem.
Each of us can do our part to make it better and better. What goes in, goes back out. So clean up your input, in every way possible. Watch positive things, read positive things, things that make you feel glad to be alive.
This is how we all will thrive… come what may.
Hope you enjoyed that… I didn’t think about it much; just let it type itself out. :))
Much love to you, from near the Tree… and continued encouragement, for those of you practicing sobriety. 😊 💞🌱
11 months +26 days of sustained sobriety; 7th day of sustained digital selectivism.
p.s. This is not an “au revoir” post! I’ll be back (said in Terminator voice. ;))