Aw fuck it.

16:39. Shall I attempt a quickie post? On *one,* sole, delightful, brightful, delicious, nutritious, first-spring-day *term*… that I make it the most wonderful, relaxing, self-neck-and-hair-and-shoulders-massaging few moments that I have had so far today.

It started so beautifully, so full of love, so nature-inspired, so moon-swept, so tree-dreamt… and then I went on social media. And oh my dear, how to undo my own daft-comment-opedia? (No, DGS, this isn’t about the novel I left on *your* post! ;))

And then I went out into the wide small world of grocery stores, where everyone’s a spy. Not knowing that I buy for six, plus a neighbour nearby. Oh, my dear, why have you six cans? It’s to feed the four* boys, and one rather large man.

“Fuck you,” I think, but I shan’t *say* that;Β  because you can’t see them, so I can certainly understand. (I haven’t brought the kids, since to do so might get me shot, with four more dirty looks, from anyone else with fear-and-loathing mind-rot.

And who’s to blame, for all of this anger? Honestly and truly, it really doesn’t matter. You can say it’s me, I can say it’s you, I can apologize till I turn blue… but the best thing I can do is laugh, and I hope you will too. πŸ˜„πŸ˜‡

Now I’m off to jump in the lake; that’s the best thing to do. Icy cold, it’ll freeze many germs too. ;))

(p.s. NO. PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T TELL ME IT WON’T. I UNDERSTAND THAT. IT’S A JOKE!!! I KNOW THERE ARE A TON OF MICROBES IN THE LAKE. STILL, I THINK IT’S GOING TO BE OK. ;)) So sue me. (NO! PLEASE DON’T SUE ME!!! Or I’ll be bringing my bemicrobed ass to come sleep in your doorway!!! ;)))))


xo nadine/stl


11 months + 24 days sustained sobriety. And 4.5, or nearly 5, days, of refined digital whatever-I-was-calling-it. Yay me! Much love to you all. Hope you are keeping well. Happy spring. 🌱 It’s bound to bring blooming things. 🌷 It’s also my and my husband’s 19th wedding anniversary. Cray-cray. Almost unbelievable. But delightful. Very happy he is home. 🎊 πŸ’—

*Next-day edit: corrected “five boys” to “four boys.” My counting skills are brutal! πŸ˜‚


43 thoughts on “Aw fuck it.

    1. Lol thank you Anne. Well it was fab, though very hurried – my imagined foreshadowing came true in a sense! We were basically told to leave! But I ran in and splashed about hard-core, first. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

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        1. There are is a couple that operates and lives in the village-owned cafΓ© building at the deserted plan d’eau year-round (even when the cafΓ© is closed, as it is now)… They told me there would be no more parking anywhere nearby allowed, indefinitely… to be reinforced by the police… (which someone else after the fact insisted was untrue… I haven’t made the time to check the facts out myself yet). But at the time, there was no one there except another couple walking their dog (but that emptiness is normal here, this time of year), and the play park is cordoned off with tape, as it was the previous time, which makes perfect sense to me. I ran with the boys around the lake as planned, then jumped in for a quick (and joyful! πŸ˜„) swim, and we left a few minutes afterward, just in time from when they said the latest law would kick in, at 18:00. I was massively out of breath from having to run instead of walk, so *coughed* afterward (unintentionally!! :)), within sight of the cafΓ© (though I’m still perfectly healthy – knock on wood!), so guess the rumours, if any, will be… that I am one super-fit, awesome mother. (Let’s keep it positive. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚)

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          1. hahaha coughed unintentionally πŸ˜‰ Yes, there is so much fear, and in France the law loves to be enforced by (military/police) force…. I hope the curve gets flattened soon so the confinement measures can soften a tiny bit. xxx Stay dryyyy !! xxx ❀ Anne

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            1. Haha. :)) In all seriousness it was an unintentional cough. And yes, I have noticed that… the military was all through the airports, standing sentinel with big guns at the ready (seriously big guns!!) all through the airport in Paris, even back in January when I pass through there after my mom’s passing. Thank you for the xxxxxxxx hope you are well, Anne. It’s scary right now and I wish I could teleport my dad over here to be with us, or vice versa. Much love xoxoxo

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              1. yes i know it’s scary, and I’m sorry your dad isn’t with you. ❀ thankfully love can also travel great distances. Hang in there, this is not an easy time and you are doing tremendously well ❀ xxx Anne

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  1. You, are brilliant!!! I am sipping my coffee and laughing at the thought of my gorgeous friend at the supermarket with her full trolley and giving dagger eyes to the condescending onlookers. β€œFuck them all” LOL. Love it and the rhymes are just effortless from you xoxox

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    1. Lol!!! “Gorgeously” crinkled and frayed, perhaps πŸ˜†but you definitely nailed the dagger eyes, I’m semi-pleased to admit. When my own smiles are met with cutting glares, sometimes a burning-blades glance in return seems the only way to avoid feeling completely slayed. πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜‡;)) Thanks always for your ever-kind and crinkle-eye-returning words, Rachel. πŸ˜πŸ»πŸŒˆπŸ€—

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      1. Ahhh to be slayed by your burning blade gaze. How do you manage to rhyme like this! You are both gorgeous (crinkle eyed or otherwise) and talented. And, you’re welcome

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                  1. Gosh, what do I say to this. I was really unsure of that last poem. It’s sat in my drafts for over a month! You give me so much confidence to keep writing and to post what I do write. I am so grateful, you make me feel like I’m a better version of myself πŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ’›

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                    1. Are you serious (about the drafts thing)?!?! Wow. It felt so full of flow. Well sometimes poems do that – waiting for the right time to pour and shine, don’t they. I’ve had that sometimes. To me it seemed absolutely molten. Super happy for this wonderful enlivening conversation with you this morning. You make me feel the same way, and I’m very grateful as well. Hugs my friend, and I hope you are having a lovely evening, on the other side of the planet. πŸ’›β˜€οΈπŸŒ»πŸŒΏπŸ’šπŸ’—πŸ€—

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. I did write 90% of it in one go, then I floundered with anxiety and my tendency to find finishing/actually posting a poem difficult.

                      I’m so happy if I can give you any confidence as you give me so much. And, I’ve loved this chat too. You feel like an old friend that lives down the road. Have a great weekend dear friend β˜€οΈπŸ’πŸ§˜πŸ xoxox

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                    3. Always love process notes. πŸ’–Thanks so much again, also for all your super encouraging words. They mean a lot. See around, lovely πŸ˜ŠπŸ™ 🌷


  2. Thank you for making me laugh so hard, I cried. I work in a natural food store and we just imposed limits on everything due to the lack of inventory. It’s been exhausting to deal with desperation, panic and the worst of human nature. I come home and jump in my bath filled with sea salt, epsom salt and lavender. Sucks the nasty energy right out and down the drain. Love you, girlfriend.πŸ™

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    1. Aw. A little laughter can be good, no? :)) You’re so kind to say that, thanks Elizabeth. I can completely understand putting limits when there is lack of inventory. Where we are, hilariously (to me, at least), toilet paper (we’re in the countryside! we can use leaves! πŸ˜‚) and white flour, white pasta, and packaged breads are all gone. I’m expecting probably the frozen meats also, though I didn’t check. Meanwhile, whole grain supplies, canned beans, fresh produce, there is a ton of it, so our family is lucky. (Our diet differences from the majority of the local population finally come in handy, instead of being a nuisance at times. ;)) Most people here are very warm-hearted and open. Just takes a few people in a sangry/paranoid mood from taking in too much news, to tip the balance sometimes. I can imagine working in a shop now might be stressful, and I’m super happy to hear you have a good self care routine happening. Thanks so much also for your care over here. It is gratefully felt. πŸ’—πŸ’•Much love back to you, xoxoxo n

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      1. I have sadly found that a good many, if not most people in this country (US) are soft, spoiled rotten and have an astonishing sense of entitlement and selfishness. Have no idea what sacrifice is. There. I said it.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. πŸ˜†πŸ˜‚ Sometimes things need to be said. Especially out of the mouths of the most peaceful people. That keeps everyone more aware and/or sane. ;)) Rock on, Elizabeth. πŸ’›πŸ˜˜πŸ’•


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