6+10

17:18 Before sunrise, had a conversation to end all similar conversations, and began a new chapter. Everything was said and finally, finally, I understood and forgave myself. That was thanks to the lack of understanding in the other. It reminded me of why and how I’d begun all of this.

In accepting the fact that apart from the children (and perhaps including the children, one day), I had only myself, in the end, I was able to accept all others.

When illusions are shattered then finally we have to decide upon new ones. To live without them is impossible, at least for me and perhaps others as determined as I am to believe in good but also in Truth prevailing.

Later, observing the barren stubs of grass in the muddying field of the horses. The donkey and the largest horse, standing at the fence, puffing steam in the morning chill. Extending soft noses outward. To see the hand of a child reaching up, up, gently, gently, patting and patting. Great sad-seeming eyes looking down upon the child and upon me, against the verdant background of neighbouring fields. But there was a swath of corn nearby; the smaller, brown horse had jumped over and wandered freely in it, no longer starving.

By afternoon much had been accomplished. Walnuts collected and lain to dry, apples also. Paperwork months overdue finally printed and sent. Family teamwork and dogged effort. In the end, life is best lived as a series of tasks, most of the time.

Yesterday I drank half a bottle of AF wine. I mostly drink herb tea or water or coffee these days. But yesterday I felt I needed the Bonne Nouvelle. I’m drinking the rest today.

Words have a profound effect on me. Your words have helped me a lot. More than I can say. Thank you.

Six months, 10 days.

 

~ sobrietytree

15 thoughts on “6+10

  1. I can’t buy alcohol free wine where I live. I wonder if I can get on the Internet. I worry it might trigger me to wanting the real thing. What do you think?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Stacy, I honestly have no idea… each of us is different. Some have written that they are in fact triggered by AF drinks, some have written that it helps get through times when they might have otherwise caved. For me personally it’s the latter, though I’m just one particular being with one particular set of experiences. For you it could be the opposite. I’m not qualified to know what’s best for you… if this extra info helps, this particular red alcohol-free wine is easily available to me from the grocery store and red wine used to be one of my favourite drinks, so buying it doesn’t require extra thought nor obsession nor any extra worry. Also I rarely drink it anymore. For me I already had it on hand and I felt on the verge of “tipping back” to old ways, so, instead of doing that, I reached for the AF wine instead of the alcoholic wine, which helped me in that situation. That’s all really. Hope that helps clarify things

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Nadine ditto one of the earlier comments, sounds like you have been going through something profound and possibly upsetting. Hope you are getting to see the positives in it (sounds like it) and I’m with you on AF drinks. It really helps me get through tricky patches particularly in pubs.
    Jim x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When words don’t come, sit back and watch the horse’s tails swishing or watch the walnuts dry.
    AF drinks aren’t for me. I go for sparkling water, tea or coffee. To indulge I go for licorice and ice cream. Learning moderation for both.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmmm, if only I could be that zen. To have no words… to “sit back” and watch walnuts dry and horses tails swishing… ;))
      Thanks for your input on the AF topic. 🙏👌Sounds like it’s working for you. I too am learning to moderate on the liquorice. Yay us. :))

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Nadine ❤ sending you love ❤ Your descriptions of the fields and countryside make my heart swell and almost ache in yearning. I urbanly miss those earthy, rich, pregnant smells that are so full of life. I can't wait for you to absorb some of that life force and reconnect to the peace of mind that comes with knowing how strong you are ❤ ps. When my (severely alcoholic) grandad, at age 80 or so, had a bad fall and escaped death by a hair's breadth, he permanently switched to Bonne Nouvelle, and became a much, much happier man. I always remembered that name.

    Liked by 1 person

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