6+9

02:02 it’s craziness. how I can learn so much and then forget everything. how is it I keep failing? ridiculousness. yearning. selfishness. I ache, I wish, I hope, I fall, I empty, I nothing.

but I sober.

I removed all day counters apps, since my phone seemed infected with something and the terms and conditions/privacy policies (finally read some of that fine print) seemed iffy.  I don’t know the day anymore, I only know the months plus days. this is 6 months, 9th day.

02:15 I hover, blinking at the now-title (formerly blank)…  it looks like… pisces.

We can still be sober and be fun. We can still be sober and be artistic. I am learning that creativity grows and grows within sobriety. It’s harder in many ways but it’s there and it’s alive and it’s waiting for us to gather strength.

All of us here, we are creative beings. Everyone is, on the planet… in the universe, in fact… we are inherently creative, and what alcohol does is dampen that and dull it and make life’s pain temporarily seem manageable even as it steadily makes it worse.

I suffer, I fall, I remain, I remain, I stand, I rise, I…

 

 

 


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8 thoughts on “6+9

  1. Sober: Note sure about the creativity. There are many ways to measure it. In some metrics I’m more. Others, less. Fun I failed at miserably. I don’t remember how to smile.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. OK, let’s go with rarely smile then. Seriously, my wife reminds me to smile all the time. It’s off-putting to be around someone who doesn’t smile. I’m leaving on a trip this morning to take my son to a mountain biking race. I’ll be in proximity to other parents non-stop. Hopefully this conversation will help me remember to smile some.

        Liked by 2 people

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