07:05 I know I’m a freak. And an average one at that. I don’t have my shit together. I try too hard. I fail too lightly. I’m a dreamer not a doer.
I had a whole day to myself yesterday. (The other days I’ll be picking the kids up for lunch, but this one day they were at the school canteen. Oh pious me.) What did I do with my six hours away from mothering? Online shop and obsess over what to do with my blogs. Greeeeeaaat. Result: I have yet another new blog (which I’ve already pretty much abandoned) and I have two one-piece swimsuits coming in the mail. I never wear one-piece swimsuits! I have no boobs so they made me look like a man. But tomorrow I’ll have two to try on and confirm that yes, I still have no boobs and yes, I’ll still look like a man in a one-piece suit. No matter how hard I wish it were different. Thanks Amazon for suggesting stuff I don’t need! I only went on there to buy a doorbell. (Long story for another time.)
I am soooooo suggestive. What I need is for someone to suggest a bunch of useful things to me.
“You are so hard working. Your house is always spic and span. You know exactly what you want to be when you grow up.”
Hold on. I’m already grown up.
Also, I know this is supposed to be a sobriety blog. That’s my issue. Sobriety is just sobriety now. Something that’s become habit and far in the background most of the time. For the moment I don’t feel I need to write about it; and yes okay, one could say, well write something useful about sobriety for others then, but honestly it’s not my style. We can get advice anywhere we look. Type it in. Whatever you’re looking for, in the search field. It’s out there. In wads and scads.
(BTW if you are wondering: Am I an alcoholic? Short answer, if you’ve ever typed that into a search field: Yes.)
Who needs more advice? What I believe is we need more stories. All kinds of stories. Truthful ones, from all kinds of people. Most of all the people who get the least amount of attention. But I feel like shit writing mine; it’s so lame, so average. So mundane, so un-special, so universally basic. So how can I even justify or advise doing *that*? I can’t. So I just keep telling my own shit story.
So what next? Get my life together.
Or don’t get life to together. Just be. But I can’t join the monastery just yet. Lol. I still have work to do in the real world. Kids and all.
But I need something more! A creative outlet! Something for my resumé of life! I want to be Somebody! Somebody Somebody Somebody! So, blog about the monastic life of motherhood. But Momastery is already taken. Tough titty.
Primrose made her blog private. I felt sad. She was one of my favourite bloggers in the wide world, and I didn’t even “know” her and her glorious blog while she was still blogging. I found her blog via a comment on another awesome blogger’s site: hilarious HurrahForCoffee, or maybe it was ubiquitous, peaceful and wise Anne, of AInSobriety.
(I’m a blogaholic. I think maybe I always will be.)
(Or will I?)
Suddenly I felt happy.
Good on you, Primrose. Keep lighting the way.
Maybe when it’s time to turn in, it’s time to turn in.
Can you imagine how many awesome blogs we’ve never known?
I’ll say this though: here’s why I kept/keep showing up… in spite of feeling like an ass for blogging in such a mediocre fashion about my mediocre life. It’s because of you all. Jaquelyn3534, SoberAndWell, Dwight/FadedJeansLiving, UnTipsyTeacher, AinSobriety, SAM/SoberAsianMom, Niki/SamIam, DrGettingSober, MonicaTBD, Anne, Elizabeth/WithoutTheWhine, MrsMac, Bryan B, RawLifeSober, NewChapter/SoMuchToGainFromThis, TrailBlazer112, SoberWomanWrites, BumpyYear, HabitDone, Gratitude4Gratitude, Jim/LifeBeyondBooze, Ceponatia/rimeRecovery, HumanProbably, FunctioningGuzzler, Nelson/OneDrunksTale, LiveLifeLove, LackadaisacalWhimsy, Moshe/InTheRooms, (Edit: oh yes and last-for-now, but certainly not least: Stacy/PaintingMyFreedom, Limetwiste/ModeratelySober!) and anyone else who dropped by and made life fun.
(Holy it took forever to add those links. Hope I got ’em right. And sorry, I’m sure I’m forgetting someone, or maybe quite a few someones… please forgive me, leave a comment and remind me!!!)
Basically, I was always a party girl. This has been my alcohol-free party platform. You are the only reason it was worthwhile to publish here. You’ve acted as friends when I had no-one else I felt I could talk to. If you also had a place I could drop by sometimes, so much the better. Feels like we’re in SoberBlogLand. Sobriety Lane.
Thanks all y’all for coming by, to my little neck of the woods.
Side note: In spite of my occasional southern writing twang, am not Texan nor even American. I’m Canadian. In Canada we are so boring that we have no identity. Our identity is non-identity. We are apologetic shape-shifters. We do other people’s accents since we’ve got noon of our oon. We are ridiculously polite but painfully without fine manners. We have nothing going for us but earnestness. We’ll talk your ear off about ourselves in a heartbeat, all because we actually want to hear all about you — but we’re too polite to ask, and too ignorant to know. As you sit there watching us chatter on with our big, beaming, genuinely genuine smiles, we’ll make you cock your head to the side in strange delight and wonder, thinking: what a funnily kind and stupid and generously self-centred person. Also that smile must be fake.
Then, you’ll silently add on, in your subconscious mind:
I think I love her.
(See, power of suggestion. ;))
(Another Canadian huge-ism: the bear hug. No chaste French-style cheek-kissing. Unless we’re having champagne, dah-ling. Which we’re not, anymore.)
(Oh that reminds me of this awesome vid from Awaken With JP. He’s gonna teach us all how to hug, spiritual style. Enjoy the love.)