Day 140 – more notes

07:52 Wow that was a lot of likes on that last post.

Tip: if you want more “likes” and “followers,” use keywords: blogging, writing, life, family, journalling, recovery.

Beware that many of the “likers” and “followers” are not engagers though, and may not even be readers. They’re mostly the bloggers with thousands of followers — and liking lots of posts and following lots of blogs is how they get those followers. But also be aware that some of the mega-bloggers might actually read your posts, so don’t call them out by name. Lol. Anyway we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings with the truth. Double lol.

Because I have more than one blog on WP I’m able to see certain patterns. (Try it you might like it; everyone is doing it. Muhahahaha.)

Before I went on vacay to the monastery I had a control spaz and removed about 50 followers that never interacted. I sometimes do weird things to be able to bypass/solace my fearful/petty inner child/ego and keep making “art.” (I’m calling this “art” in the loosest of fashions. Basically potato-sack style.)

Come to think of it, what is the exact definition of “art”?

Here it is, a screenshot from Merriam-Webster.com:

ArtDefinitionMirriamWebster(via-sobrietytree.com).jpg

“Skill acquired by experience, study, or observation.”

Oh wow. That’s cool. Didn’t know that. Guess blogs exactly fit that definition then.

I do know that if I tag this post with “art” I’ll have another bunch of mega bloggers appear to “like” my site. That’s another good keyword if you like likes.

Most of the followers I unhooked were of the kind whose tagline said something to the effect of “Earn Money Blogging Now!” or “Spirits Emporium and Sales” or “Carpet Cleaning Magic!” or “Bestway Sober Coach.”

I know one doesn’t get rich and famous by lowering one’s follower count. But that’s how I roll. For now at least, lol. Why am I mentioning this? I guess to show that there is a really neat behind the scenes view on WP if/when you start blogging, and my advice to any of you on the fence (take it at your own risk!) is to just do it, so you can get on with your life and wonder about something else. It’s fascinating to see delusions fall away when you start blogging. Also to see some new ones arise. I was obsessed with blog-reading and wanting to blog but I was terrified as well. I “wasted” five years wondering how to do it — which name, which URL, which platform etc. — and reading and listening to advice.

Speaking of advice, ironically, here’s some from my perspective:

Daily practice. Make a daily practice of writing. It’s easiest to work from momentum. But if you miss one day (or two, or three…) then start again the next day, and so on. Kind of like sobriety.

Go for community. If you’re wondering, but how would I manage comments? Should I have them or not? and so on… I would say, without the comments I personally wouldn’t likely have continued. But who knows. Everyone is different.

Anyhoo. That’s not what I meant to write about. Wanted to write about the weekend, sober with guests.

Running out of time (since once again, went to bed too late, so woke up too late). But in a nutshell:

Kept my skin on (usually I take it off and sit there with my my heart and guts hanging out).

Boundaries (decided not to serve breakfast — showed where supplies were, each man/woman for themselves). I also went to bed when I felt like it.

Tons of AF drinks on stock (like enough to feed all the guests —— because they bloody well ended up drinking them!!!! How awesome is that!!!!)

Music (all-ages wild dance party in the kitchen, to AC/DC when the kids were messing around with Alexa. After that, my sister started to drink my AF wine, perhaps partly because she saw how crazy I could get with it! 😆

I haven’t lost my head-banging skills.

Normally I’ve become a huge stickler in my house for non drug and booze-themed music (which is largely ignored, though repeatedly enforced), and AC/DC days are over for me, too noisy. But once in a while is fun, especially with a cousin who I used to party with. I got out a box of instruments and we all banged and jangled along, round and round the table (the only floor space is in a rectangle around the table).

Afterwards, I got out old photo albums of us going wild. My cousin in her AC/DC shirt.

I also don’t like to glorify drinking days, but now that I am not drinking at all, and daily feeling more solid in this new way of living, I think it’s nice for the kids to see that I once was “cool.” (Which in their subconscious makes me even “cooler” now, since I’m aging like a fine AF wine — i.e. without turning to vinegar. ;))

Omg that was a bad joke.

What I mean is, too often I’m seen as the goody-two-shoes fun-killer bad-cop in the house. My husband likes the stereo loud (he has a million speakers) and doesn’t have the same beliefs about media influence. I’m always the one going “Alexa, next” when something raunchy or alcohol-or-drug-revering comes on. If it were up to me we wouldn’t even have an Alexa. I miss the old days of music. I’m such an old-fashioned gal at heart. But I do love washing machines!!! And running water. And flush toilets. :))

Actually the whole tech thing is preying heavily on my mind. I want to blame my husband for everything, as usual. But it’s up to me to take responsibility.

Working on it.

Anyway, before I go, some details. If I were new at sobriety, or contemplating it, I’d want to know the details.

For much of the past year I wondered how on earth I’d cope with hosting a summer family gathering (or attending any) without drinking. What would I say? How to say no politely? How to field questions?

  1. Planned how to refuse a drink, in advance. (“No thanks.” That’s it. Repeat as needed. Seriously. I know for some of us it’s hard not to tag on a reason or excuse, or a bunch of gushy words to put ourselves down and make the other person feel validated; but we can do hard things.)
  2. Planned how to field “Why not” questions. See my other post, Day 134 – social anxiety (and badminton notes)  for this if you like (link at bottom).
  3. Be amazed (if you’re lucky) at how few, if any, people end up asking why not. Be aware that you are actually subconsciously getting them to question their own drinking habits. This is a good thing, even if it makes them uncomfortable. Of course we don’t like others to feel uncomfortable. But it’s their problem, for the moment, not yours. Unless/until they ask for help. Then, be humble and honest. List resources (e.g. the AA Big Book or any quit lit you’ve read or social groups that helped).
  4. If you are unlucky, and everyone gives you a hard time, my advice would be to remove yourself from the situation. “I gotta go.” “Go where?” “Something I gotta do. Bye!” Again, we can do hard things. Then avoid those people in future. Until/unless they ask how you did it, so they can learn, too. If it’s at your place, put on relaxation music and serve coffee and tea. Coffee/tea after a meal or drinks is the cue to leave. After that, start to yawn ferociously. Don’t cover your mouth. (My neighbour did this with me when I would overstay my welcome and it worked like a charm every time, even after too many drinks. I learned a lot of good things from her. 😆

Whoa. Didn’t expect to ramble on that long. Probably repeated half the stuff I said in the badminton post. Can’t remember. Ah well.

Anyway. The badminton post was about an event that wasn’t my own blood family. Whereas the people who came to visit at our place *were* my own blood family. How would they react to my not drinking?

Here is the crazy thing. My party-buddy cousin, the one in the above-mentioned photos with the AD/DC shirt, offered me some of their beer and wine and I said, no thanks, I’m drinking this. “What is it?” “Alcohol-free beer.” Said sheepishly. No explanation. “Oh! I drink a lot of that in Holland! Lots of people do, now!” And for the rest of the stay, she drank my AF drinks along with me!

We, two of the wildest party girls in the family bunch in days of yore, look at us, all sensible and fun. And still head-banging and table-dancing with the best of them, when it counts.

I haven’t read this post back yet. Hope there aren’t too many errors.

xoxo n/stl

 

***

09:29 Edit/p.s.:

Herewith, the promised “link at bottom”: Day 134 – social anxiety (and badminton notes).

And…  omg. what a mess. slightly edited for clarity.

Edit: 2019-08-15: oops. Got the number of days wrong too. Title corrected from “Day 139” 😆

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “Day 140 – more notes

  1. Hah, people should start blogging the way I did – expecting no one at all would read and viewing it as putting a message in a bottle and casting it out into the ocean. (I mean, if your expectations are incredibly low, it’s very easy to exceed expectations. Not actually the healthiest approach to life though, by any means.)

    I love having comments enabled because it offers confirmation that at least some people do actually read the posts (when the comment is pertinent and on topic.) I don’t even mind the likes from random blogs that are trying to generate traffic for themselves, because sometimes those blogs are hilariously terrible and I’ve shared the links with friends so they could laugh along with me.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. lol, I hate to burst that hope, but I’m still not stoic about it. I get a huge lift from seeing people interact with what I write, particularly when they’re people whose writing / art I like. (And then I’m sad if no one seems to be around or interacting, so…)

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Same here Wendy! I love receiving them and leaving them too. Makes blogging truly fun. Sometimes I do get stressed because someone leaves a super nice comment and I don’t know how to respond in a way that shows how much it means to me but all I can do is try. :)) xoxo n

      Liked by 1 person

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