23:53 Has been a tough week. French pinball machine of bureaucracy. Some work issues that needed sorting out. I manage a faraway property and some repairs need organizing; I’ve been in negotiations for a while now. Lots of kids’ friends coming and going in the house. I love them, but I also love peace.
Was grateful for more peace today. Crazy-lady friend (and her two kids) are away in the north for a few days so her boys will not be here. This means less mediation necessary on my part between my own boys struggling for their attention. And dividing out time between shifts of kids in the pool and on the trampoline.
The pool has lost its shape again. The boys are very rough on things in the midst of their wild play. I feel overwhelmed by the constant battle to keep things tidy. I feel, “what’s the point.”
I’m not saying there is no point; it’s just how I feel.
End of school clutter everywhere. No place to store it. Decisions need to be made.
Had a lovely evening out for dinner at a tiny restaurant in the nearest town. The air was hot and the boys and I all had diet Cokes. I loved not having to wonder if it was weird if I drank wine, and/or wishing it didn’t have to be one glass only. It was really a lovely moment. The kids were quiet and well-behaved. It’s odd, but I prefer outings with the kids without my husband. He doesn’t seem to enjoy family outings, and that puts a damper on my mood.
At the grocery store, bikinis were on sale for €7.99. There was one in my colour — deep muted teal/jade. Splashes of peach and rose blossoms on it. I was thrilled. Only needed a few minor modifications, which I completed tonight. I love a good deal on teal, so much.
This morning I had a lovely moment when I saw such a beautiful heartfelt message from an old friend on Instagram. She’s an incredible abstract artist and I had left another enthusiastic comment on one of her paintings. “I know this must be sounding repetitive, but…”
She left me such a lovely reply, saying that she was so grateful for my encouragement, because she usually wants to give up what with all there is to do in life, and that my comments helped her keep going. This made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside and also made me really think of how we truly do need to support creators whose work we enjoy, no matter how futile or unnecessary or minuscule our support may seem. I think a lot of my friend’s followers feel she must KNOW how amazing her artwork is. But even she is insecure about its value. Of course I wrote her a novel back in reply ending with “I love you,” so there it is. Uncool once again. But in the case of it being “better to regret something you did, then something you didn’t do,” I feel that in the case of expressing love, yes. Always yes.
Last night my lovely moment was outside, under the Tree. I didn’t talk to her, but I sat under her in the dusk light, heard the crickets chirp and an owl hoot, and watched bats fly all around me. If I stretched out my arm I might have touched one. “Chauve-souris” they are called in French. “Bald mice.” I could in fact almost see their bodies…
The faraway hills were glowing green against the ever-dusking sky above the hills. The sky is closer here than it is in my place of origin, near the sea in Canada. Last night it was blue-grey, with stars beginning to show themselves, and a single white house amid the golden glow of several street lamps across the valley.
Five minutes of zen and I felt very lucky indeed.
Tonight’s flavour of herb tea is pineapple.
Tree, Tree, help me make space in this house…
Please, help me make space in this body