Day 96 – forms

23:42 Exhausted… but satisfied. Crazy time of year… the kids finishing school, so much to do and plan and attend and arrange and take care of, not to mention random unexpected things like kid toothaches (ridiculously hard to get a dentist or doctor appointment here in the zone of emptiness — but I succeeded!) and blow-up-pool leaks and all that good stuff…

Just feeling really happy that I drank a couple of glasses of Bonne Nouvelle this evening, instead of alcoholic wine. Yes herb tea or water would have been better… but I was so stressed and having a glass of what amounts to red juice basically gave me a bit of comfort. Again, funny that the bottle does not seem to magically empty itself… and I even find myself pouring some back into the bottle, after I’d finished filling out the 469th French school re-registration form.

Yesterday I received an email from a relative-in-law that I found upsetting… and (egads) I sent a reply. Not confrontational, just as honest yet kind as I could muster (yikes). I’m tired of letting things like that go. (What am I talking about… do I ever let things go?) “As the Butthole Surfers said, it’s better to regret something you did, than something you didn’t do. Seen ’em come, seen ’em go.” (The Red Hot Chili Peppers.) Hmm…

Wish I could be more like my husband sometimes. Letting emails just slide in and out of vision without much thought. Sees ’em come, sees ’em go. Lol. (But seriously. It’s pretty zen. I do admire it.)

Sunday morning my main activity was fixing the big inflatable-ring pool. It had worked itself into a very strange shape; let’s just say my husband was calling it the “vagool.” (Or “va-jewel”? you had to be there; I was in stitches. Though I thought it was more like an “amni-ool” or “cervic-ool”… anyway.) Required emptying, cleaning, repairing leaks, wrangling into exact level position; basically took me three hours to get it back to plain-old-pool-shaped. While husband and eldest son were helping repair a roof. And the other kids were mostly NOT helping (in spite of my cajoling, as I wrestled from deep inside the masses of scungy blue plastic of the deflated va-jewel). Instead, begging me to let them back onto their technology. #livingourbestlives.

The friend, the dear crazy friend… Must admit I’ve not been keen to write about her… part of the reason is because she is dear, and part of the reason I feel more at peace with it all, this time around, and thus accepting and grateful for her “beingness,” just as it is. So far it’s been drama-free. Part of the reason for that is I’ve done things differently from last time. Long story short: “fail to plan, plan to fail”… and this time I’d made a coping strategy, and so far have stuck to it; and she seemed respectful of it all, in her own crazy-friend way, and I felt grateful to her for that, and basically it’s all just peachy keen. And I’m still a sober queen.

Thanks so much for all of your support… it seriously means a heck of a lot. I’ve been partying sober with you all in my mind, during this form-filled time.

Vision and faith,

xo stl



Nts: I had to edit this one for clarity the next day…. it was such a tired mess. Backdated the publish time [00:38] to before midnight, so that the URL date would be correct. Yes I have OCO issues.

6 thoughts on “Day 96 – forms

  1. Awesome on choosing non-alcoholic wine, addressing that upsetting email, tackeling the pool and being able to find a coping strategy that so far works with your friend! 😊 I have a friend that does drink and she’s always a “one-upper” and it frustrates me. If I work extra hard or long hours, she does too, if I say anything about health issues ( oh she has them. ) …and so on… but she’s a kind person so I’m trying to remember that and work with it. It’s not easy. 😆 I like your “Fail to plan, plan to fail” thinking. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Jackie 😊💛

      I hear you on the one-upping bug! Where I come from there was a big one-upping culture coupled with “poor me” culture… (have definitely been guilty of it myself, oft falling prey to “if you can’t beat ’em” mentality)… trying to become more and more conscious of it and nip that in the bud in my own behaviour at least… and failing constantly. 😁 But yes there’s someone I talk to regularly that still does that, and it really is not good for happiness nor progress, to sit there competing for “who has it worst,” and it makes me want to not see them as often. An instinct which I am learning to *listen to* more often. :)) But also to listen more, myself, rather than responding constantly (another thing I seriously need to work on 😅). About the “fail to plan, plan to fail” saying, I first heard that on an awesome podcast called “Fat2Fit” by Jeff Ainsley and Russ Turley, some years ago… I see they still have a website ( and book available, but the podcast link is now missing… it was a great podcast though, those two guys made a lot of sense 🙏 👌
      Thanks again Jackie 😚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds you have been doing some great stuff, living happily and productively, getting things done and generally dealing with life. It’s inspirational to read your blog and to see how a life without alcohol doesn’t have to mean a life in hiding. I always thought alcohol helped me to cope better with the stresses and strains of the day-to-day but I have discovered that it was actually making it worse. Please keep sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Yes I agree, ultimately alcohol increases the anxiety so the negatives outweighed any positives. Thanks for your encouragement, and likewise, I look very much forward to your future posts!

      Liked by 1 person

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