14:55 If we go chasing trouble… it will find us. #notestoself
If you talk about lurking, you attract lurkers. If you talk about love, you attract love.
If you talk about things in an open way, people will respond to you in an open way. If you talk about things in a secretive, noncommittal way, people will feel they can’t trust you and that you are selfish. Then you may feel more selfish and noncommittal. Then you will feel bad. Then you will do more “bad” things (whatever those are for you — e.g. drinking, smoking, using social media to excess, etc.) to numb the psychological discomfort. Then you will be more secretive and noncommittal.
So how to break the loop?
#1. become accountable for our actions. If we do something, do it openly.
#2. do better things. The fact of doing #1 means that we will automatically do better things because we don’t want to do things we perceive as “bad” openly.
#3. reward ourselves. Celebrate our successes more than punishing ourselves for our failures.
#4. protect ourselves psychologically. Sometimes we (let’s call ourselves sensitive folks) can want to reach out and help people who seem to need support. BUT. but but but. Sometimes we are not ready for this and we can find ourselves getting inadvertently pulled down that well. Let us not get pulled down that well! That person would not want that! Or if they do, they are crazy in a bad way! And we can not help them if their joy is based on our failure! Sooo…. keep your own zone clean. Wipe the counters, put up the fly curtains when the weather heats up; do the laundry. Apply for a job if that’s what’s needed; write a gratitude note to a friend; write a post that could help others, as well as yourself….. or do that creative project you’ve been meaning to do. Or read that book. (That offline book!)
edit: the above is about something that happened outside of the WP sober/sober-curious community zone. i.e. not about any of my/your interactions in our community. :)) (further edit to clarify: I had a visit from someone around whom I usually feel on edge. I noticed that their behaviour was cryptic and secretive around an event they were planning, yet there was expectation on their part for me to fall in with the plans. This seemed illogical and frustrating.)
yes, do anything except idly, mindlessly seek out trouble.
okay seriously I have work to do here. I think I am really realizing what my problem is.
Too much time on my hands. And too little self-confidence to do anything and feel happy about it. Thanks to those who helped me see this.
“Ego is the Enemy.” ‘The obstacle is the way.” (Ryan Holiday, who is quoting the stoics in the titles of those two books. Links below. I’ve read the first but not yet the second. But I can guess what the second phrase means; likely: work through problems rather than skirt around them.)
Oh yes, while I am shamelessly (ok, completely shamefully) admitting to rampant distraction, I will share with you this awesome vid that starting playing next after I found the link to the Inigo Montoya scene, in that last crazy post (edit: which I have for now unpublished, partly due to it being more confusing than helpful; apologies to all who were subjected to that! and thanks Nelson for helping me figure it out! :)). Y’all know JP? Love this guy.
“How to do a Social Media Detox (3 Easy Steps) – Ultra Spiritual Life Ep. 163”
YouTube – Published on June 18, 2019 by AwakenWithJP
Links to the above-mentioned books by Ryan Holiday:
Note 2019-06-21: I wrote this post yesterday afternoon while trying to work through a suddenly terrible state of mind after social overdose (both in person and online). I did not publish it then, feeling it was too cryptic lol. I publish it now, keeping the draft date (2019-06-20), mostly as a reminder to myself, but also in case it could help anyone else out there.
Lots of love,