20:30 I had a bit of a rough day today. I visited someone who I felt needed visiting, a grieving relative-in-law; plus did the usual running around, and it drained my energy completely. Also I might not have had enough coffee. By the end of the day I had a headache. That’s quite rare for me. My husband got home and relished pouring a nice glass of red for himself, for some reason within my view even though he could have done that at the counter. It’s truly bizarre. I’m sure this is not intentional. Just funny how the subconscious mind works. Was glad there was still a bottle of Bonne Nouvelle (non-alcoholic wine) on hand. Funny how I rarely want more than a glass or two of that, while in the old days (old days, well just under two and a half months ago, haha) a glass would usually lead me to downing the bottle. While he drank beer.
Tonight I watched episodes of Real Housewives of New York tonight (season 11). I know, it’s not something to be proud of or admit to in general public lol. And has nothing to do with trees. ;)) But I love it. I very very rarely watch TV shows (including Netflix etc), been wanting all week to make time for this. At first I thought it might be a trigger but it’s not at all, instead it’s sobriety reinforcement — for me at least (proceed with caution if you’re a former fan! Alcohol in nearly every glamorous scene).
They’re all fine when sober but they just get slurry and loud and argumentative and weepy when drunk. Dorinda’s my favourite, she’s hilarious and a natural clown when sober, funny and together and kind and honest and aware, but drunk she’s a mess, like most of us are. I’m pretty sure she started the season saying that she wasn’t going to drink anymore. I think it must be very hard to get and stay sober working on that show. Of course the producers must encourage drinking because without it quite honestly everyone would get along quite well.
I was so very happy and grateful, watching that, that I was drinking herb tea, and had NO urge to drink alcohol. I keep forgetting how miraculous that is, in some ways.
Sobriety reinforcement — whose blog did I see that on? Oh yes, this one. Drunkvslife. Great post (and cute outfit :)) check it out.
p.s. last night I said this prayer before bed, and it really really helped me. I had a crazy revealing dream afterward. I’m going to get in the habit of doing this more often again:
“_____________ (fill in your word for deeper energy source, e.g. god, Tree, etc),
I offer myself to You,
to build with me and to do with me as You will
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Your will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Your Power, Your Love, and Your Way of life.
May I do Your will always!”
— based on https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous – p. 63