Day 48 – if thou choosest

23:09 Sometimes I wish life would hurry up and fix itself. I still do so many things imperfectly. But the only time I wish that, and do things imperfectly, is when I am looking for something else, instead of fully enjoying what already is.

No urges to drink booze today. Keep forgetting to drink enough water though.

I want to eat all the time. I’m hoping that will pass. I don’t remember this from last year’s big sobriety stint. Four months into my sobriety from both booze and smokes, last year, I was 10 lbs lighter than I am now. I was reading the AA book like a bible and super high on god then. Like literally high as a kite. (I think my neighbours thought I was a goner for religion, which I wasn’t; or secretly taking drugs, which I also wasn’t.)

Maybe I should try that again. remembering God, I mean.

—Tree? Are you still listening?

—Sure. You can call me God if you want.

—Even with a capital?

—Even with a capital, if you feel like it, sure.

—Thanks a lot God, or Tree, as the case may be, for all you’ve given me. Too often I feel guilty about it and I let that take away my pleasure. Then I feel so hungry, for something else, something else, something else.

—Just remember all I’ve given you, or all that you have, is what you worked all your life to get. And maybe past lives also. You are where you were meant to be. Right here, right now.

—really God?

—Really.

—but it seems so unfair god. Why should I have nice things if others don’t have things as nice?

—wouldst thou be a thief of joy? No? Then compare thyself not. Be as thou art. Be like me. See? I am free. This great, soaring tree.

like thee, if thou choosest to be.

remember thou art part of me. I hold thee in mine arms, I look upon thee with joy! Rejoice in my love. Smile, for I am always smiling upon thee!

 


Photo credit: https://seasonsgirl.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/god-light-trees.jp (via web image search for “god tree”)

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