I have no idea what my problem is. I’m tired, I feel useless, inadequate.
I can’t seem to function. All I can do is the bare minimum.
In spite of all my previous self-acceptance notes, I don’t feel accepting of myself.
I know why.
I seek validation outside myself. And there is never enough.
I don’t act, I react.
I have a god-sized hole in my soul.
—Tree? Are you there?
—I’m always here.
—What do I do?
I used to be the mom that did the maximum. Baked all the school cakes. Beautiful, decorated ones. Looking nice, dressing nice, smiling, offering, helping. Etc. Etc.
Now I do the minimum. I’ve baked the cake but it’s plain like the others.
What happened to me?
—You are okay.
You are fine the way you are.
I love you even when you don’t.
Even when others think you are unworthy, not enough, a nobody.
Nothing has changed, except
You see clearly now.
That will take some adjustment.
No matter what anyone thinks
You are okay. Exactly as you are.
* * *
Edit 2019-06-08: made private soon after publishing due to FUD. Made public again now. It is what it is.