Can’t remember what day of my sobriety this is, and what with the spotty internet access I don’t want to exit the WP editor to check older posts to find out. Maybe it’s 23? Anyway.
Had the slight disappointment today of being at the all-purpose grocery shop nearest the vacation cottage (to buy the kids a new basketball, since the old one bit the metal during a rim shot), and upon also having grabbed another bottle of the afore-mentioned Bonne Nouvelle red faux-wine, to take back home in case of future “special occasion and/or drinking with husband” needs, stood in the line-up reading the fine print and discovered the mauvaise nouvelle that Bonne Nouvelle was 0.5% alcohol, not 0%, as I had originally assumed. I gawked at it, or rather squinted at it disbelievingly while holding it the requisite 50 cm away from my now-far-sighted eyes, and then asked the cashier to take it off the bill as I would be putting it back. She’d already rung it through. Bread, basketball, faux faux-wine. Faux pas.
In my mind I am still sober for x-whatever number of days, since I had no knowledge of this booze percentage at the time of imbibing. (Though perhaps my body knew — I really did take a shine to it, to the point where I felt it was almost more of a trigger than a saviour.) When I bought it, I had asked the man stocking the shelves if they had any vin sans alcool (wine without alcohol) and he had enthusiastically uttered the French equivalent of “yes we do! Just one, and it is this one.” And he placed the Bonne Nouvelle in my hands. There was a vehicle full of impatient family waiting for me out in the parking lot, that time; so I’d grabbed it joyfully, paid and ran. Did not even think to check the fine print, though I’d been staring at fine print endlessly in the previous shop. But I guess asking for wine without alcohol is about the same here as asking for a salad without meat. (Most chefs think you can’t be serious, so they usually leave a few lardons on top, or maybe some tuna.)
I drank the 0.5% 750 mls of red “wine” ignorantly/innocently over a period of three days. I’m not happy about it, damned annoyed about it in retrospect actually, let’s even say gutted, but what can I do but call it faux faux-wine under the bridge, and just another lesson learned; be more careful next time.
I’m not sure why I’m being such a purist this time around, or at least intending to be, but I suppose mainly because last time I wasn’t; allowing both “<1%” beer as well as the proffered occasional sip from my husband at the end of his occasionally extended hand; thinking I be all cool like that. “Last time” kind of says it all…
In other news, I’m at 38% of This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, a book recommended to me by a very kind person who actually took the time to email me after reading my other blog (thank you, kind person, if you happen to stumble upon this one!). The first part of the book I found a bit “preaching to the choir” in my case, since I’d already worked through many similar thought processes in my private journalling; but I’m loving the bit I read this afternoon, which basically listed all the stats and health detriments of alcohol, and laying out an argument for abstention (for all of society in general), fit to tie a lawyer. I myself may not need these figures and facts (though they certainly help); however I can sure as heck use them (if I can memorize them! and the chances are more likely now, since ANY alcohol consumption affects memory!) when talking to friends/relatives; my husband included. I’m really grateful to author Annie Grace for all the work she put into this. She had thousands of beta readers from whom she gathered feedback, and she includes a ton of recent research references.
I’ll just have to be careful not to rave about it too much. You know how that turns people off.
Oh right, speaking of which, I was going to talk about spirituality.
I always start by typing in a title of what I think I’m going to write about, and then I don’t end up writing about that at all — just like in my journals. Go figure. Anyhoo, what I was getting at there is that I hardly have any spirituality going on this time around, which I sort of miss but which is also turning out to be quite practical in other ways. Practical in the way that my kids are not (as) annoyed with me. But mostly I miss it. Hence the 911 feeling.
I had a kind of spiritual union with a tree last year around this time, hence the name of this blog, which was in fact suggested by said tree. To clarify, the “voice” of the tree is not a real “voice” per se, but rather a series of words that sort of “appear” in my consciousness. Perhaps it’s a being of my own devise, or an externalized version of my id (since it’s far too loving and instinctual to be a super-ego), or perhaps, and what I like to believe, is that it is in fact an angel which tends to live inside this one particular tree. Not a Tinkerbell-type, fairy angel, but rather an immense, Lorna-Byrne-style, light-filled being that radiates spiritual energy and fills every part of this immense tree, which stands in front of our home in the countryside.
Anyway, until this exact moment of writing about her, I have not much felt my friend the tree spirit, this immense being of light and benevolence… and I felt a little flat and dull and rote because of it… but I am grateful to say that here, in this moment of writing to you about her/it, she/it is arising here within my heart, or communicating with me there at least,
and it feels very fine, very fine indeed… you know that kind of fineness where you feel tears prick your eyes, and feel your heart swell, and feel the beauty of the world there within your forehead.
I feel like with her help, I might even be able to go without chocolate eggs and jars of Nutella, which seem to have replaced wine, recently…
I shall meditate/pray on that… while instead drinking herbal tea. ;))
Thanks for reading. ❤︎