21:56 Hi everyone. I’m in bed, in the rental cottage, seem to have internet thanks to my husband providing me with some kind of “dongle” (such a weird word), so I’m writing a quick update while the wifi lasts.
My husband joined us for the first part of the holiday, I love him and he’s amazing in so many ways, but honestly the beer drinking, no matter how moderate, gets on my nerves. Just for the record.
And for the record, I confided to him once again about my feelings around alcohol as far as I’m concerned (i.e. in my own life), and he once again said (quite kindly) that he thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. This time I was quite firm in saying that no I was not, for me “my life had in fact become unmanageable” because regardless of what others thought of my drinking (i.e. that it may be moderate or average in their opinion), it did my head in, the next day, psychologically.
I noticed once again, this time around, that I usually get the urge to drink (or consume anything mindlessly, for that — food, media, whatever) when I am feeling lonely in a crowd. I.e. When actually I’m aching to be alone with my own thoughts, with nature, or with my creative projects, yet for duty reasons I am required to be around people, especially people who don’t ignite that “communing” spark in me.
Yesterday I stopped by the grocery store on one of our outings and bought a wide variety of 0% (alcohol-free/AF) drinks to try out.
Tourtel Twist Raspberry near-bear, cherry near-bear, Heineken near beer, Bavaria near-beer etc. All 0%. And… a bottle of 0% [EDIT 2019-06-08 0.5%!!! but read also comments in that linked post] red wine!!! I have looked EVERYWHERE for something like this. So happy. It’s called Bonne Nouvelle (“good news”) — quite appropriate. (Tip: in France, at least, these were all mixed in with the alcoholic beers and wines in the shops, so it takes quite a lot of staring at fine print on the labels — and inhaling the overwhelming stench of ethanol eeking out of the alcoholic drinks in the aisle. I thought it was just me, noticing the smell, but my kids did too (though I’d said nothing). “It smells bad in here!” they said. Out of the mouths of babes…)
I don’t hope to become hooked on near-drinks (and lucky for me, they’re missing that one critical addictive substance). I hope to always prefer water and herb tea one day. But this is good for getting through those times when we need to party with a drinking crowd, even when that crowd consists of just one other dearly beloved person.
I’ll try to post some pics of the AF drinks at some point. For now, I’m nodding off… hubby left today with the two elder kids, and I took the younger kids on a huge sightseeing trip. Now I’m completely knackered. But also feel happy that I brought them to see these things.
Lots of love, and thanks again for all your support, it’s keeping me feeling in such good company!!!