I’m still a massive digital klutz. I thought going alcohol-free would cure that, but apparently not.
The last time I thought going wine-free would solve all my problems I was wrong. This time, I want to be alcohol-free even though I fully know that won’t instantly solve all my perceived problems.
This time, I know (a little more, at least,) that acquiring self-confidence and peace is a long and continuous journey. Embracing sobriety is just one of the steps — or shall we say one of the bridges to cross. I feel as though I’m crossing a bridge, or unlocking a gate to greener pastures.
There is a tree in that pasture, or perhaps an orchard full of trees. The fruits are falling off, and they are ours for the taking, delicious, fresh and ripe.
Will I continue to eat them, even later in the year, when the sun doesn’t shine as much, perhaps, and when cold winds blow? And when the fruits are rotting and the leaves turn brown…what then?
I pray that I shall not make wine. I pray that I shall keep moving forward. Or make like the bear my birth name says I am, and hibernate.
This time, I feel less alone. Community is important. Others further along the path can lead the way to warmer climes. It’s always summer somewhere.
Thank you so much for being here, now. You help me a lot.
The other day marked the anniversary of the time that I first made a determined attempt to become alcohol-free.
That all had gone amazingly well, until I started thinking I could “control the world” again. Somewhere in my subconscious, I began once again to think that I could fix everything/everyone and every system around me, while simultaneously being the perfect wife, mother, community member, and aspiring career woman.
So that time “only” lasted about 4.5 months.
Note to self: stay humble. Even and especially to thyself. “Let go and let God” (or let Tree). Take it easy. Self care. Don’t say yes too often. And the rest of the time, just be.
Notes to self: publishing at 00:28 (didn’t start writing till 11:54 [p.m.] 2019-04-11) but backdating to before midnight so it’s on day 16. I’ve GOT to get to bed earlier. Hello, self care…
[Edit:] Photo by Snapwire on Pexels