Still happy not drinking.
Hmm, guess this marks two weeks! Doesn’t seem like a big deal. I was really ready this time. Was so fed up with the repeated creative set-backs, and intensified creative shame.
(I do sometimes feel creative shame or anxiety even while not drinking, but drinking certainly made it worse.)
Have been going through some old journal entries in which I wrote about my drinking patterns. These are incredibly useful to me. I highly recommend documenting your journey, even if you don’t publish. (Perhaps that’s even more valuable. Especially since you can always publish later, as in much later, when you’ve got the perspective to see the big picture. Yet you’ve written it “in the now” — while you’ve still got truth in the details.)
Why can I never take my own advice? Well, never say never. I have in the past and I will again in the future, and I am, in other areas, now.
Also an old blog post I wrote while drinking which still sits in my drafts folder (along with a bunch of other, non-inebriated drafts).
I think it’s interesting to see so clearly how the content of my writing was quite dramatically different, while inebriated. Without wine I seem to be more positive, or at least balanced, whereas with wine my language devolved into heavy swearing and not-fully-cognizant associations.
The inebriated writing documented facts that my fully-conscious mind did not record (since it was missing/over-ridden/suppressed).
It’s all too easy to see ourselves, and our experiences while drinking, through rosé-tinted glasses (in my case at least). Drinking perhaps makes reality far more subjective. It used to be tempting for the philosopher in me to see this as proof that wine gave me access to understanding the “true nature” of reality. If it did, it was at the cost of great toxicity. Drinking led me to be influenced by very negative input that I would not have entertained (or been entertained by) without it.
I’m drinking a lot of herb tea lately. Even though the weather’s relatively mild, the ambient temperature (even in the house) is still a bit too cold for plain water. Lemon ginger’s my current favourite.
I also did all my exercises today. It takes about 30 mins in total. I do light calisthenics (sit-ups, push-ups, back crunches, leg lifts), a yoga sun-salutation and a walk/run of about 1.5 – 2 km. Exercise definitely increases my sense of well-being.
I never want to begin, always feeling too tired or sometimes even depressed; but once I begin it gets easier to continue, and the rewards are worth it. Exercise also suppresses my craving for sweets. Win-win.
Thanks for being here. It helps me a lot to be a part of this awesome community. You are basically my support group. ❤︎ love, xo ostl (one sober tree-lover)
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