Day 12 – grateful but overdoing it. And scrabble

17:07 I feel so grateful to my husband for all he does. He’s building a bunch of stuff outside right now. He also made the meals yesterday and today. And the kids are happily playing outside with friends.

Today I set up the beginnings of an Instagram account for this blog (@sobrietytree). Wonderful sobriety community out there, also on IG. Sober beach-loving bartenders, amazing yogis and yoginis…

But the best, most rewarding part of my day was a game of Scrabble with my third son. I’m not much of a board game person, not even for Scrabble. (I know that’s weird. If I like words I should love Scrabble, right? Yet I didn’t, till now.)

But this little guy is really fun and stress-free to play with, so in bringing the board over to me and convincing me to play, he’s helped me find a new enjoyable hobby, and I’m helping him learn word-spellings and also math (since he does the scoring). Very grateful to him for that.

Other notes: I know I’ve been overdoing it on the blogging and social media front today… I have a hangover from it now

But I am so very glad that I am not drinking. I didn’t recently get very physically hung over from drinking, at the end of my “mindful drinking”-attempted days… but the psychological hangover was still there. Honestly I don’t miss it this time  — yes okay I have fleeting thoughts about the taste and associations of wine or what have you, when I see an advertisement or have some random memory… but I just condition myself to remember how anxious and unhappy with myself I would feel the next day, and that’s all it’s taken so far, to avert any craving twinges.

Here’s a little landmark: Last night my husband was drinking beer while making pizza. I drank near-beer (0% alcohol) and “partied” alongside him. But at one point I accidentally took his glass and had a sip. (Of note: I am still pretty absent-minded – something to work on further down the road. Easy does it for now; one thing at a time.) Of course it was immediately evident that it was real beer (the taste is different, after all). And so I literally spat it into the sink. You know why?

Really, I think it’s because I’d read the following on another blogger’s blog:

“Last night I had a dream about alcohol. Not unusual. In the dream my husband offered me a sip of his alcoholic drink. I was so pissed at him. I said, “you think I’m going to throw away eight months of sobriety for a sip […]?

[it continues…] “If I had a sip of alcohol it would not send me into a downward spiral of drunkenness, but I would no longer consider myself alcohol free. I would have to start over

“Thing is, I have no desire. I see booze for what it is because I no longer romanticize it and attach stories to it.”

— soberandwell.com

If I hadn’t read that, I might have ingested the sip (a sip which I truly did take by mistake). I have to admit the real beer tasted more “familiar” so it was tempting to allow this tiny salute to old times to just go in. But then, guess what (in my case)? I’d possibly think, maybe in a week from now, that I might as well have a little taste every now and then, when my husband offered it to me (especially because if I’d swallowed that sip, he’d be more likely to offer). And then next time I’d think I could just have one glass, and soon I’d be back to accidentally drinking a bottle of wine some evening, and most likely drunk blogging about it. (Yes this has happened before.) No thanks.

Instead, my action was quite dramatic — I grimaced in surprise, spun around and spit the real beer down the drain, immediately. Even though I hadn’t officially announced any alcohol-free intentions (so to them, I wasn’t officially accountable).

My husband yelled, “Crime!!!”

And I retorted, “Well I didn’t think you’d want me to spit it into your glass!!!”

We all laughed. And the music played on.

I liked that my eldest son was watching. I want my kids to know you can opt out of alcohol and still have fun.

So thanks again, Sober and Well, and thanks to all of you other love warriors out there likewise documenting your process in getting sober and feeling well.

Love,

me with the tree

p.s. sorry I’m not great at sticking with the tree theme. Not a clue what I’m doing. Just going with the creative flow.

Tree: “That’s good, you know”

xoxo

Thank so much for reading and responding! You help make this worthwhile! ❤️ 
~ Sobrietytree.home.blog : 🌱 writing  🌱 with a tree, about sobriety

 

 

4 thoughts on “Day 12 – grateful but overdoing it. And scrabble

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